What is normal now? Can I watch my trashy Real Housewives shows when there is nothing real about those women? Can I still get my nails done every other week when I know I could send that extra $50 a month and really change someone's life instead of the color of my nails? How do I come back home when it does not really feel like home anymore? I just don't know how to incorporate what I saw, breathed, smelled, felt, and still feel good about living my life. I always do this. I want to change the world. Why can't I? Why does it feel like nothing I can think of is good enough? Why can't I bring those little babies home and fix their broken hearts? I have enough love for all of them, don't I? Why can't I scoop up those little girls walking barefoot to school and save them from dirty old men? Why can't I drill 1,000 wells to give them all fresh water? It seems so simple- why hasn't it all been fixed already? I cannot help but feel helpless as my tears blur these words on the screen. How do I do what I want, knowing what I know, and wanting to give such a big part of my heart to Rwanda?
Struggling . . . internally . . . hopefully not eternally . . .
Shaina, as I read this, I can feel your love, sincerity, compassion and sadness all at the same time. You have touched the lives of so many during your trip and have brought that deep passion with you. I love you for wanting to change the world. Remember the story of the man walking along the beach trying to save the starfish. He was chastised for trying to save them all, but the ones that he threw back into the ocean, he made a difference in that one life. I love you!
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