Back to Normal?

What is normal now? Can I watch my trashy Real Housewives shows when there is nothing real about those women? Can I still get my nails done every other week when I know I could send that extra $50 a month and really change someone's life instead of the color of my nails? How do I come back home when it does not really feel like home anymore? I just don't know how to incorporate what I saw, breathed, smelled, felt, and still feel good about living my life. I always do this. I want to change the world. Why can't I? Why does it feel like nothing I can think of is good enough? Why can't I bring those little babies home and fix their broken hearts? I have enough love for all of them, don't I? Why can't I scoop up those little girls walking barefoot to school and save them from dirty old men? Why can't I drill 1,000 wells to give them all fresh water? It seems so simple- why hasn't it all been fixed already? I cannot help but feel helpless as my tears blur these words on the screen. How do I do what I want, knowing what I know, and wanting to give such a big part of my heart to Rwanda?
Struggling . . . internally . . . hopefully not eternally . . .

Hatred I Have Not Known

Hate is killing your neighbor for no other reason then he is from a different tribe than you. Hate is swinging a baby against the wall of a church til death. Hate is chasing your colleague and then slaying her with a machete. This is hatred I have never known and hope to never experience. I cannot count the number of times I have misused this word. I hate liver and onions. I hate slow drivers. I hate inconsiderate people. My "hatred" pales in comparison to what the people of Rwanda experienced during the genocide of 1994. Do you know that was less than 20 years ago? Amazing that an ethnic cleansing of that degree could have happened not so long ago. We visited Nyamata, the church where thousands fled as they thought they would be safe from the killings. They were massacred with machetes, bullets, and grenades. All of their clothing remains, which is an incredibly sorrowful sight. There were less than 5 survivors and I cannot imagine how they made it out alive. Playing dead amongst their dead family and friends, emotionally and spiritually scarred for life. The most horrific story told by one of the survivors was of a woman who had refused to marry her Tutsi boyfriend. He was amongst the killers that day and was one of 20 men to rape her. They then stuck 2 long metal rods, horizontally and vertically through her body. One of the rods piercing her baby to her heart. I cannot fathom this level of hatred and I vow to remove this word from my vocabulary. I want to love the World extra hard to make up for those who hate it extra hard.

Thirsty?

The little girl grabs the empty oil jug and carries it down the street to the river. This isn't just any river, it is the village supply of water and oh yes it is the color of mud. She fills up the jug and balances it on her head to take it back to her home. She must then make a fire from charcoal, paper, and twigs in order to boil the water so that it is potable. Her family has no faucet to just turn on and drink from. There is no toilet to flush or shower to run. There simply is not running water in the home and this is standard in all villages here. They are drilling more wells each day but the water is just not safe enough to drink in most parts of Rwanda. I will remember this next time I leave the sink running while brushing my teeth or take an extra long shower. Water is a luxury to these people and I don't want to be the one wasting it.

Someday An Abundance of Food - Thursday

As we walk down the hill, we can see about 100 kids waiting in line with brightly colored cups. The feeding program provides 2 cups of porridge(which I believe is just corn meal and water) twice a week. They hungrily gulp down their food as they run up to us to practice their English. It is pretty amazing how well some of them speak English considering most do not attend school. One of the smaller boys grabs my hand and holds on desperately as if he will never let go. He keeps touching my arm so hungry for affection and human touch. The children are treated very differently here. If they do have a family, the adults do not typically socialize with them. Most Rwandans think it is very odd that we spend time with our children, watching a movie,etc. It is just not part of the culture. The adults work so hard in their garden, trying to harvest crops to sell for money to support their families. They do not have time to play whatsoever. And the children that are fortunate enough to go to school usually walk at least one hour each way, many without shoes! And we think our kids have it rough. I was lucky enough to get to know our interpreter, Christine. When she was little she would walk one hour to school in her bare feet. If she was lucky enough, they might have some leftover dinner for breakfast before starting the cold trek to school. She did not own any shoes or sweater. She returned home at 5:00 for lunch- walked to retrieve water for her family, be back around 8:00 to have dinner and then go to sleep. Oh yes and water oh goodness will I please never take water for granted again! That's for my next post.

Children Bring Hope- Wednesday

The sun is blazing hot as I take a sip from my water bottle. A little boy peeks shyly at me from behind the door. I run to chase him and a belly laugh erupts from his tiny lips. Language is rarely a barrier with children. Games of tag and soccer need no words, only smiles and laughter. As the Sisters lay the mat out on the ground and bring the babies outside, I take my shoes off and sit down. My laces are always a hit with the kids, a novelty they do not see often and the only "toy" in sight. I play "here comes the mousey" with one of the little boys and he laughs as I tickle his chin. Each time I stop to include another child, he playfully slaps my hand to come back to his chin. Oh if I could only take you all home with me! What is going to happen to all of you beautiful children that have no one to call your own? Tears stream down my face as I imagine my own son Preston without me and Robb. Even then he would have my family, a grandma and grandpa, aunts and uncles and cousins. These children have no one, completely alone except for the Sisters in the orphanage. How can I do my part I wonder? Rwanda I have heard your cry and do not want to forget you when I return home. I must do something . . .

Hopscotch and Role Model Nuns!

Today felt super productive in the tangible sense! We started building the therapy swingset and painted hopscotch and 4-square on the orpahnage floor. What entertainment it was for the kids, although really difficult to keep them out of the paint :) Sister Francine insisted on helping us paint some of the hopscotch squares and refused to take a break. I had to take a lot of breaks, as I am almost sure they make their paint from motor oil! The Sisters absolutely loved all of the bright colors on the classroom floor. One of my favorites at Ghaganga, Bertin, kept coming in to check on us. When the nuns brought a drum out and started singing, Bertin was dancing and clapping away. He was super adorable! It's incredible how giving and loving the Sisters are. They work all day, picking the kids up and moving them around, feeding them, cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc . . . Then they sing and clap and dance around with big smiles on their faces. You can tell they honestly have joy in their hearts for taking care of the kids. It is totally amazing! They are so thankful that we have come for one week and don't even give themselves credit for dedicating their lives to these disabled children. It is completely selfless and I hope someday I can be even 1/100th as selfless and loving as they are.

Take life for granted much?

Have you ever watched a bubble land on a child's face and listen as they laugh hysterically as it pops on their nose? Have you ever just danced and clapped with a big smile on your face no matter who is watching? I was part of both of these things yesterday and it was completely amazing. Why does it take traveling 1/2 way around the world to realize how good we have it? We take so much for granted, it is unbelieveable. Today was such a touching experience at Hand of Hope orphanage. We blew bubbles for the kids and they ran around like crazy, laughing and smiling - there whole face lit up. It was such a simple pleasure but they never get to experience it. My favorite little girl, Chantal climbed all over me and pulled at my hair and swatted my face and it was such a great feeling of joy. I watched Robb play soccer with the little boys and it completely melted my heart. One little boy, MP, kept calling him daddy and would not let him leave his side, crawling all over him - seriously I could have cried :( It was even more heart-breaking at Ghahange Disabled - the kids were SO thrilled to see us! The therapy that the girls are teaching the Sisters is helping wonders. The Sisters are so receptive to it and were so appreciative of all of the occupational therapy equipment they brought. They are living in such poor conditions, they could use so much financial help but the country does little for the disabled. The Sisters keep the place so very clean though and are so happy in all that they do. It is totally amazing!! We got to help feed them at dinner time and it made me realize how thankful I am that I have all of my body parts in working order. We also did bubbles at Ghahanga and one of the older girls who we call Princess, she loves to be told she is beautiful(what woman doesn't?), kept chanting "Bubbles, Bubbles". She was so proud of herself when I put the wand to her mouth and she blew and bubbles came out - it was an amazing squeal of job :) Oh how I love this place Rwanda and have a feeling this will not be our last trip here. What an amazing country with incredible people. Not to mention the land is so beautiful and lush. Appreciate. . . everything.

When is your birthday?

Today was an incredible day - long but incredible. We went to church at African New Life and taught the 3-5 year old class. The majority of the class ended up being older Rwandans that did not speak English. They sang to us and drew pictures of them sharing an orange pop with Jesus :) The bubbles were a huge hit! They are so appreciative of every little thing. After church, we went to the African Bagel Company for amazing pizzas with the boys from the Home of Innocence. This is a group of about 14 boys who are mostly orphans. We helped celebrate their birthdays with cake and game. Many of them do not know when they were born, so they use January 1st as their birthday. Some were abandoned by their mothers due to HIV or lost their parents to AIDS. The Home of Innocence houses the boys and shows them what family is all about. They were an amazing group of kids that are trying not to turn to the streets to support themselves. The program is amazing and they are looking to expand, they have the land- just need the finances. After lunch, we visited the Kigali Genocide Memorial. As anyone knows, this is a difficult subject but one that is very important to their past and future. We will also be visiting Nyamata, the church where thousands were slaughtered. It's absolutely amazing what we take for granted. This people are so grateful for all that they have. We also visited a 25 year old girl who has crippled hands and weaves the most beautiful baskets. She lives in a 300 sq ft room with 6 other people. Next time you start to complain, think about this and how blessed we really are!

Finally here!

What a long flight! I think it was a total travel time of 26 hours and we are exhausted:). No sleep on the 12 hour flight from DC to Ethiopia but plenty of reading and a couple movies. The worst part of the trip was Ethiopia to Kigali, just the point where you are ready to be on land. The Mission House is really nice and the food has been delish so far. Mangos, pineapple, and avocados have all been so fresh! We are getting ready to go to church this am and teach Vacation Bible School to the 3-5 year olds. Really excited to get out and see the people and country today! We are also going to the African Bagel Company to serve pizza bagels, supposed to be the best in Rwanda. We are going to the boys home, Home of Innocence to have a birthday party and spend time with them :). It's about 14 boys from the street that I believe are orphans and this home reaches out to them to give support and get them off the street. It will be a great day! Miss everyone and keep those prayers coming!

Here we gooooo!

It's 5am and we are waiting for the first leg of our journey to begin. We fly from Detroit to DC then on to Addis Ababa, which I think is in Ethiopia. Our final flight takes us into Kigali. It's a total flight time of 18 hours!!! Hope we can sleep on the flight into Kigali to try and get on their time zone which is 7 hours ahead. I am really excited about what lies ahead for Robb and I. Don't think it's really hit me that we will be without Preston for 12 days but I am trying just to think of the kids we will be helping. I am not worried about Preston at all since he is in good hands with my family but I am a little worried about my Mom's sanity :). So looking forward to spending time at Hands of Hope orphanage and Gahangha for the Disabled where we will be building a swingset to aid the kids joints and developing muscles. Okay see you in Rwanda!!!